Navigating self-care
Maybe it’s just me and the accounts I follow on social media, but it seems like everywhere I turn I’m seeing something about the importance of self-care. This is wonderful! We are transforming from a time where people were expected to suck it up and constantly give more than you take. Somehow we’ve all been programmed to feel like self-care is a selfish act, and this has created a society of adults who are overextended and chronically stressed. This chronic stress causes us to turn inward. We start to disconnect from the world and people around us because we assume that no one can understand what we’re going through or worse-that we don’t deserve to put ourselves first. And so the cycle of chronic stress perpetuates.
So now, we see self-care everywhere. We are waking up to the fact that not putting ourselves first is detrimental to our health, but it seems like we’re still rather confused about what self care means and how to implement it in a reasonable way. As a mother, it seems IMPOSSIBLE. In the first year of my daughter’s life, having someone tell me I needed to practice self care would be a trigger for me. I couldn’t afford massages or pedicures weekly. My perception of self care was that I needed to do something out of the house, spend money on something for myself, and with a new baby I just knew that wasn’t feasible. I know I’m not alone in that feeling…it is frustrating!
And then I learned that the majority of true self care does not come from the outside in, but from the inside out. Have you ever had a bad day (or series of bad days) and turned to retail therapy to help ease your woes? How often does this actually makes us feel better and resolve the turmoil within us? Retail therapy and material things may provide temporary relief from what’s bothering us, but it’s a band-aid. In the chronically stressed, it doesn’t touch the underlying uneasiness within us. True self care, HEALING self care, can only come from the inside out. This means being kind to our minds and our bodies. For mothers, it’s about treating ourselves with as much care and love as we do our children. We can’t do a single thing about the stress around us. We can’t control deadlines or bills or what other people think and say. We can’t even really control our children (as parenting is not about control but rather nurturing). All we can change is our relationship with stress. As mothers, we have to create even more peace inside of us to keep up with the demands of children, keeping the house together, work, trying to be a good wife, friend, daughter, member of society…..(women are freaking AMAZING, by the way. Look at all those hats we wear on a daily basis and how great we look in literally all of them!)
If you’re a new or expecting mother, here are some practical and realistic ways to practice self-care in the 4th trimester:
EAT. I know you’re distracted, I know your days run together and you forget most of the time. But your body cannot run on little to no fuel. Set a reminder on your phone, slow down and sit down for 3 minutes, and eat. Eat plenty of quality fats and nutrient dense foods to nourish yourself and boost milky supply (if you are breastfeeding)
Go to the bathroom. Stop waiting until you’re about to burst to take 30 seconds to go to the bathroom. Care for your pelvic floor girl, just go when you first feel like you need to.
Shower. Do the full shower-you know where the one where you wash your hair, enjoy the feeling of the water on your back, maybe shave your legs if you feel inclined-once per week. I understand that this is not practical every day. Who has time for that? But at least once per week, allow yourself to not rush and enjoy your shower.
Set boundaries with those around you. Now that we’ve gotten the basic human needs out of the way, we can move onto boundaries. This could be separated out into many more points, but overall, you can’t expect your partner, family, or friends to know what you want and need. Don’t wait until you’re about to explode to tell your partner you want them to change more diapers or take the baby for a walk while you have a second to yourself. Plan times in advance where your partner will spend time with the baby alone (he needs that too!) and you do whatever it is you want to do-watch Bachelor in Paradise, read, play music, etc. Boundaries with your family should also be set in terms of visitation, unsolicited advice, help, etc. Boundaries are clearly defined and come from a place of respect for yourself, not from anger or resentment. Stand strong in the boundaries you set and don’t waver. People pleasing only hurts yourself, and it unfairly assumes that the other person won’t be able to handle any sort of resistance from you. As a reformed people-pleaser, this is the hardest lesson to learn but the most important.
Use a magnesium cream or take epsom salt baths. SO many mommas are depleted in many nutrients, but especially magnesium. Applying magnesium to the skin has a better response than taking it orally and can be hugely transformative for energy levels and inner peace in mothers.
Get outside. Ground yourself by getting outside everyday (weather permitting), even if its just for 10 minutes. Your baby needs to be outdoors just as much as you do! A change of scenery can do wonders for our head space, and being outside in the sun allows you to soak up some vitamin Din the process!
Take a quality vitamin D supplement. I’ve never run initial blood work on someone who had what I would consider to be optimal vitamin D levels. Every single patient has been deficient, and most are considered clinically deficient-below the lab range of Vitamin D levels. Not all vitamin D supplements are created equal, so getting a quality supplement is imperative.
Guided meditation. I used to be a person who thought meditation was pointless and silly. Then I tried it, and although when I first started I was terrible at it, it changed my life, mental health, and total body wellness. Download Insight Timer on your phone, which has thousands of guided meditations for various needs. They range from short to long. I love to do guided meditations before I go to sleep. Now I pick a 12 minute meditation and I’m asleep before it’s over.
Greet yourself in the morning with love. As often as you can, when you wake up in the morning allow yourself to be aware of yourself and your energy. Allow yourself to feel gratitude and love for the person you are, the fact that you’re able to wake up for yet another day, and that the hungry baby or child who needs you loves you more than anything in this world.
Start to implement these in your daily life and watch your life change! Many of these can and should be applied to everyone and not just new mothers. If you’d like more suggestions or more help with this particular area of your life, feel free to drop a comment or send me a message!